Marital Matters

Personal stories about marital matters and separation issues.

August 13, 2007

why did I ever change my name to his?

After a marriage to a womanizer that lasted barely two years Cleo, 32, is in the process of reclaiming her maiden name - a task that is not easy, but acts as a salient reminder for her of the selfless madness that overtakes women when they fall in love, get married and give up their independence.

"I never even liked Jack's surname," laughs Cleo, "but I was so in love with the guy that I was willing to give up my own name and identity in order to be his wife."

"It just didn't occur to me that Jack would continue seeing other women after we married - and that eventually I'd be so humiliated that I'd fall out of love with him and sue for divorce," sighs Cleo. "Divorce happens to other people, doesn't it?"

"Thankfully I was smart enough to put off having children until we had established ourselves better," explains Cleo, "but obviously I wasn't smart enough to keep my name."

"I changed everything - passport, banking accounts, library cards, sporting clubs, etc - from my maiden name to my married name," laughs Cleo. "What a klutz I was!"

"It isn't just the expense and inconvenience of having to change everything back to my name," explains Cleo. "It's also the humiliation of the exercise that gets to me."

"I have to provide evidence of my marriage and separation to all of these institutions - along with my birth certificate."

"Imagine the looks I get from the counter staff," laughs Cleo. "It's humiliating and yet that's just the sort of treatment I deserve for being so stupid as to change my name to Jack's."

"I know that these days women are not required by law to change their names when they get married - I guess the exercise I'm going through has been done a million times before and institutions are sick of it," explains Cleo, "but when you're as stupidly in love as I was you just don't think right."

"I guess it's only when society actually forbids women from changing their name when they hook up with some guy that this sort of ridiculous exercise will end."

"Until then, otherwise smart women like me will continue to give up their name and identity during the period of love madness that precedes marriage."

"Let's face it," laughs Cleo, "in all other periods of temporary insanity we go through in our lives society has set up safeguards to stop us doing silly things - and yet when it comes to love and marriage society just sits back and lets women make fools of themselves."

"Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot," says Cleo. "Do you think men - in love or otherwise - would be silly enough to change their names and identities upon marriage? I think not!"

"Men are very proud of their names - even Jack was proud of his silly surname - and there's no way he would have given it up for me or any woman."

"The supreme sacrifice men make upon marriage is to give up their freedom - and Jack couldn't even hack that," sighs Cleo. "But women are always under a subtle influence to make two supreme sacrifices - give up their freedom and their names!"

"I don't know how the custom ever came about," sighs Cleo. "It must have been just another one of the male plots to subjugate women - but funny thing, Jack thought he was bestowing an honor upon me by giving me his name. And guess what, I fell for it!"

"It's great to be me again - with my old familiar name," says Cleo, "but I worry about the future."

"I'd like to have children one day, but if that means marrying a guy and giving my children his name I am not too happy about that."

"After all," muses Cleo, "I'm the one who'd be carrying them for nine months, going through the agonies of childbirth, doing the breastfeeding and diaper changing - not to mention taking time off work and losing out financially in order to raise them - so why shouldn't the children carry my name?"

"It's all too hard so I should really decide never to go there and be satisfied with my independence instead."


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