Marital Matters

Personal stories about marital matters and separation issues.

October 09, 2007

a viral marriage


Caitlin's passion for Patrick overcame her revulsion of the cold sores - herpes simplex - he developed every so often on his lips and was able to hide with a beard, but after marriage and pregnancy she discovered that herpes wasn't the only health hazard that she and the new infant were exposed to.

"I was always worried about catching the cold sores from Patrick," says Caitlin, "but by cutting out kissing when the sores were active I was pretty well safeguarded and during our six-month courtship I never contracted the virus myself."

"It's possible that I was already immune to the virus," says Caitlin, "but I wasn't taking any chances - I just didn't want to go through life having to cope with sores on my mouth that I couldn't hide with a beard like Patrick did."

"I am very particular about my health as you can tell," laughs Caitlin, "and I was also a virgin when I met Patrick - so we did things very slowly."

"We did have sex before marriage but it wasn't until I had been married for a few months that I started getting vaginal yeast infections."

"Technically I suppose yeast infections - thrush or monilia - aren't classed as STDs," says Caitlin, "but I certainly didn't have these infections before I started having regular sex so what else are they if they're not sexually transmitted?"

"I was torn between my passion for Patrick and the fact that kissing him and making love with him was a health hazard," sighs Caitlin.

"It's a bit silly when a married couple have to use condoms, but that's how we coped - it was either that or continual courses of medication to clear up the yeast infection."

"When it was time to start a family I expected that everything would sort itself out," says Caitlin, "but that's when my troubles started in earnest."

"Throughout my whole pregnancy I was cursed with the most obnoxious yeast infection you could imagine - huge chunks of cottage cheese type yeast were present in my vagina and the usual medication just didn't work."

"I resisted my doctor's suggestion to try a stronger medication as I didn't want to do anything to harm the baby," explains Caitlin. "I just put up with it. It was so horrible that Patrick didn't want to come near me in case he caught it - even though he caused it to start off with!"

"The doctor warned me that if I didn't clear up the yeast infection before the baby was born there was a risk the child would be born with it, too," says Caitlin, "and I decided to cross that bridge when I came to it."

"Now that Patrick wasn't wanting to have sex with me there was a possibility that the yeast infection would clear up - and it did - but unfortunately our baby son was tested positive for yeast infection and needed medication straight away after birth."

"As luck would have it Patrick got a bad case of cold sores as soon as I gave birth and the doctor warned him not to go near the baby until his sores had cleared up."

"It was bad enough that I had given the baby a yeast infection without Patrick giving him the herpes simplex virus - for which there is no cure - and I naively trusted that Patrick would do the right thing."

"A week after returning from the maternity hospital a tell-tale sore appeared on the baby's lips and I was devastated," says Caitlin. "Patrick denied kissing the baby, but I could tell he was lying. How could he deliberately infect a new born baby with that awful virus?"

"Patrick and I had a lot of arguments after that," says Caitlin. "I realized that marrying him had been a health risk from the start and while I was willing to take responsibility for the risk to myself I was not willing to risk my child's health - especially when Patrick had deliberately infected my new-born baby with an incurable virus."

"I couldn't trust him any more," says Caitlin, "and when trust is broken, love and attraction fly out the window."

"We're still living together for the sake of our child," says Caitlin, "but there's no married life between us and although herpes simplex is not a life sentence like HIV could be, I still feel very upset for the terrible curse that Patrick inflicted on my little baby."

Caitlin's story first appeared as health hazard husband and is reprinted with permission.

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